Look!

One of the things that Shawn mentioned today in his sermon was how often Jesus "looked" or "saw" in scripture. His eyes were always open, and His life was always available. This afternoon, I reluctantly slid into my running shoes and cracked open the door to greet a cold, wet run. I was not excited about this at all. Boy, was I wrong. I had not run long when I heard God remind me to look. Normally as I run, God speaks and I listen, or I vent and God listens, but today as I ran I just looked.

When I looked, I saw the amazing beauty of creation. I mean, really saw it. I felt like a blind woman who has suddenly been given back her sight. I looked at the trees in my neighborhood. Every tree is unique. There are trees with red leaves, trees with brown leaves, trees with no leaves, and trees with green leaves. There are thin, tall trees, short, fat trees, old, gnarled trees, leaning trees, baby trees, ornamental, well-groomed trees, and dying trees. I watched stormy black clouds roll into the sky and noticed the variety in the clouds. I felt the cold drops of rain stinging my lips and realized that each drop of rain only has the opportunity to fall one time.

I watched darkness envelop my community and Christmas lights come on, one house at a time. As I listened to some Norah Jones and Kenny G at the end of my run, I was awed by the beauty of the Christmas lights against God's masterpiece of creation. As beautiful as the lights were, they did not match the beauty of what God had created.

I am so grateful that at this season in my life I have finally discovered running. There are not words to describe the sensual feeling of wind whipping my hair, rain trickling down my skin, and music playing in my ears. I return from every run relaxed and ready to tackle life again. Running reminds me that I am more than a career, a mom, a maid, or a wife. I am a woman - a piece of God's valuable and beautiful creation. For all of my flaws and mistakes and craziness, God loves me more than I can ever grasp or understand. As a raindrop splashed against my lips tonight, I was reminded that like a raindrop only falls once, my life can only be lived once. I want God to use it for His honor and glory. Make it count.

Monday Morning Update 11.30.09

We had a great weekend at The Crossroads. Attendance was down, as is typical on a holiday weekend. Lots of people were traveling home today or trying to catch up around the house after being gone all week. But it was also good to see some other people that have been out for awhile.

Shawn preached a great message about being thankful for all things. He told a story about when our kids were just toddlers, and I created a big paper turkey. We wrote down things on feathers that we were thankful for and attached them to the turkey. Grace was two at the time, and she was incredibly thankful for kool-aid. That story brought back lots of memories for me. I remember trying very hard to create "magic moments" with my babies. We were poorer than dirt. We were on welfare while Shawn was finishing up his master's degree. We figured out that it would cost me about a hundred dollars a month to work, so I stayed home with our three children. I would not trade those years for anything. I learned to find creative ways to create magic for my kids, whether it was taking a ziplock bag to the park to collect nature items to investigate, or painting the bathtub with shaving cream, or playing "pooh sticks" on a little bridge on the seminary campus.

I am thankful this season most of all for my family. When I listen to the crazy chaos in my kitchen of my four children fighting for air time at the table, or my little girl asks me to sing her "The Angel Song," or my son makes a new joke, I am reminded that I am rich beyond measure. As I listened to my husband speak, I was reminded all over again about the crazy chain of events that had to occur for us to even meet. God had a great plan for my life, and I can't wait to see where the rest of my life will go. So far, it has been beautiful and rich beyond my wildest dreams. Sometimes I can't believe that I get to live a life that's even better than "Happy Ever After."

After church, we were able to enjoy Thanksgiving lunch with our church family. I was moved beyond words as I looked around the room and saw so many people that are a part of my life that I did not even know 18 months ago. I was amazed as I watched the people in the room, and realized God's hand in bringing us all together. I cannot imagine life getting better than it is at this moment, but God is not finished yet. And being a part of God's great masterpiece of life is incredible.

An Arkansas Thanksgiving

For the first time ever, my school was out all week for Thanksgiving break. This was awesome, giving me the opportunity to go hunting with Shawn. I had not been in 20 years, but I wanted to take Grace so that she could experience it, so that she could make a decision for herself about hunting. We dropped off the two younger girls with my mother-in-law and headed to deer camp for a few days.

I enjoyed spending time with my family and came away with some amazing deer stories of my own. Spending time in the woods has long been one of my favorite activities. I loved watching individual leaves spinning to the ground to gently land in puddles. I guess one of the best afternoons was the one I spent fishing with Grace. We squealed as we caught crickets to bait our hooks, and we squealed some more as we took turns taking each other's fish off our hooks. We're both squeamish about touching the fish. However, we laughed and joked and relaxed and had a great time. I'm loving making the transition into a mentoring friendship. I am sure there will be some hard teen years ahead, but I am also looking forward to this new phase in our relationship.

The funniest part of the trip was the excitement of all the males in my life about my deer hunting. You would've thought I had won a million dollars. My husband said about the whole experience, "I wouldn't have been more surprised if I'd woke up with my head sewed to the carpet." Totally cracked me up.

At Shawn's family's Thanksgiving dinner, we ate tons of great food, then moved to the carport to finish packaging deer meat. (For my tree hugger friends who have issues with hunting, think of it this way - my children will be eating antibiotic and hormone free, totally organic, lean meat.) As we were packaging the meat, I looked up to realize I was surrounded by all of Shawn's uncles. Through the fog of smoke emanating from their cigarettes and the sound of tobacco juice hitting the pavement, they were slapping me on the back and asking for my story and retelling their greatest hunting exploits. I felt like I had passed some sort of secret ritual to join a very secret club. It was certainly very strange, but strange in a good way.

I am glad that I gave hunting a second chance. I loved being outdoors and spending time with my family. It was great to slow down and let life come to a complete halt for a few days. It was amazing to just be still. For my only goal to be absolute stillness and quietness. I did not hear God speak into my stillness like I expected, but it was instead as if He was just being still with me. Like He was showing me how it feels to be quiet with someone you love....no awkward silence, just companionable quiet.

Now I am back home, back into my crazy busy life. I have tons to do to prepare for out of town company coming in tomorrow. I also have lots to do to get ready for school on Monday. And so, my life is back to normal.

A very late Monday Morning Update

I have used being out of town as an excuse for avoiding this week's Monday morning update, but truthfully I have had horrific writer's block. It is hard to know what to say about this week at The Crossroads, because I was the speaker. It is a role that I'm very comfortable with, but rarely do. However, God has spoken to me strongly in recent months about why missions is important and about trying to share that with others. So Shawn gave me some air time Sunday to share just a little bit about what God's been showing me.

It is impossible to fit 6 months into 20 minutes, but basically I shared Is. 58 and Mt.25 as guidelines for mission work. I have come to understand that serving others is worship, that serving others is serving God .... ministering to Him, and that serving others is loving God. I always believed in missions for the sake of evangelism - which is critically important, but I did not understand until recently that serving others is exactly the same as loving God. That puts a whole new spin on doing good.

I talked some about our Mexico mission trip to an orphanage at Christmas. I was amazed that within 48 hours all 200 of our orphans that we wanted to provide Christmas for had been sponsored. I have heard from people all week seeking to apply Is. 58 and Mt. 25 to their lives - whether that looks like ministering to family members in need, or researching ways to provide clean water to 3rd world countries, or buying items for those in dire need. I was overwhelmed and very humbled that people sincerely took what I said literally and began looking for ways to immediately build service into their lives. I frankly did not expect immediate results. I expected this to just be the beginning. The very tip of a huge iceberg that would take months for people to grasp. I was actually slightly disappointed in my presentation of what I had to say. It had sounded so much more polished and less random in my head, but I am continuing to pray that God will take my scattered thoughts and help people to understand His heart.

Then there's all the usual stuff to say - music was incredible, I loved hanging out with old and new friends, and Shawn did a beautiful job with the communion at the end of the service.

the Twilight love affair

I read the Twilight books. All of them. For the most part, I enjoyed them. I will say that I felt like the romance side of things was a bit cheesy, but well geared for the teen target audience. I watched the first movie. I was not impressed with the acting or the decision to stray from the book on details, but it was a fairly enjoyable show. My pre-teen daughter, predictably was much more enthralled with the movie.

With the arrival of the latest movie, New Moon, I am going to go out on a limb and risk angry friends. All day long I have heard from church friends, school friends, and students' moms about how anxious they are to spend two hours checking out this guy. I am deeply concerned by the level of obsession and lust that is prominent among married women my own age, and even my parents' age, over this teenage boy. My own daughter and her friends level of interest concerns me a little bit as well.
Here are my concerns - take them as you will:

1. It is fiction. My daughter and her friends compare boys to Edward. I heard a friend say, "My boyfriend did .......and that's just like that time Edward did......" Real, healthy relationships are much better, much deeper, and much more incredible than Twilight.

2. Women seriously seem to compare their husband to this teenage vampire. "He is just so interested in what Bella is thinking....he's interested in more than just sex." Yes, you are exactly right- he wants to eat her for supper.....You are not doing your husband any favors by comparing him to an imaginary person. This is IDENTICAL to your husband expecting you to look like Jennifer Anistan.

3. Unfaithfulness begins in your mind. Lusting for a young onscreen teenage character leads to lustful thoughts away from the screen. Thoughts produce actions. I am creeped out to even contemplate women my age checking out my teen son. That's just absolutely weird! I have heard multiple women verbalize daydreams about making out with Edward. I cannot grasp how this is any less wrong than your husband watching porn. Lust is lust is lust.

4. I am concerned that my daughter and her teen friends are looking for a guy just like Edward. Let me summarize - because he wants to protect her - Edward is possessive to the extreme. He wants to know her thoughts. He watches her while she sleeps. He follows her and wants to spend every waking moment with her. Let me clarify - this is not love - this is freaky and called stalking. The whole he holds her all night and enjoys making out w/out sex.... that's just a lie. Men cannot do this. It is physically impossible for them to makeout and not want it all. That's how God designed them. If my daughter thinks this is typical male behavior, she will be in for a horrible shock.

5. I am also concerned that Edward's "loving" overprotectiveness will encourage young girls to accept abusive relationships as normal. I am concerned that they will find it romantic to be owned. I want my daughter to realize that true love sets you free to be who God created you to be. Men who obsess and try to control you are not what you are looking for.

So those are my thoughts. I fully plan to go watch the movie. I expect to enjoy the show. I truly do like the Twilight books and am anxious to see this movie. But I expect my only lustful thought that night to be about the guy that has shared my life for the last 16 years. A teenage boy cannot even compare to the real love that I have with my husband. It is laughable to even imagine that level of love to be anything that I would desire or want.

It is not my intent to be rude or unkind, but just to express my concern about a double standard that exists with my women friends. They feel justified in lusting after movie actors and comparing their husbands to imaginary characters, but angry with their husbands for viewing porn - or even for noticing hot women actresses. I would say that if you expect purity from your husband, you have to expect it from yourself. Watch the movie, but don't wish that you could take Edward home.

Forgetfulness can be a God thing

I had a single responsibility for youth group tonight - bring the masters of the cutouts we are painting for Christmas. The folder was absolutely necessary to sketch out more drawings to paint. Muy importante! Of course, the folder is still on my table.

Since I forgot the all important folder, most of the adults who showed up to paint ended up visiting instead. 3 adults made decisions for Christ. 2 decided to go on our mission trip. And looks like we have at least 2 more homes available for journey groups after Christmas.

I saw community. I saw family. And I was stunningly awed by how God is orchestrating this whole thing. Forgetfulness can be a great thing.

Monday morning update 11.15.09

I don't have much to say today. I enjoyed my children's lesson. I liked getting to tell the story instead of wathing the video. Our story was about The rainbow - God's faithfulness.

I heard that worship was incredible and the sermon was great.